Tom and Lowenstein

Simply put, Herbert is a total jerk who doesn’t love Lowenstein at all.  They don’t get along well, and it is clear that they don’t love each other.  We think that Lowenstein never felt a strong connection with Herbert and has always wanted to be an individual; she demonstrated that by not changing her last name when she got married.  Herbert has an affair with Monique, who is a fellow musician and one of Lowenstein’s patients.  Herbert never explicitly tells Lowenstein about it, but she knows anyway because he is so obvious and doesn’t care what Lowenstein thinks.  

In Tom’s marriage with Sallie, the gender roles are reversed.  Sallie earns money for the family and acts as the head of the house, while Tom stays at home and takes care of the children and cooks.  It seems Tom and Sallie really loved each other at one point, and unlike Lowenstein, Sallie was willing to show a connection with her husband by taking his last name.  However, Tom has recently been too distracted by his own problems to have much regard for Sallie.  Sallie sympathizes with him but is still dissatisfied because Tom doesn’t pay attention to her.  She has an affair with one of the doctors with whom she works and confesses it to Tom in chapter 1.

When Tom and Lowenstein meet, there is a lot of tension between them.  Each has prejudices against the other—Tom doesn’t like therapists; Lowenstein doesn’t like Southerners.  Lowenstein is appalled at Tom’s behavior, including the language he uses, and Tom is displeased with Lowenstein’s views.  

As Tom tells more stories of his and Savannah’s childhood, Lowenstein opens up more about her marital problems.  Tom tells her she is beautiful, and she says her husband doesn’t think that.  They both get to know each other better than their spouses know them.  Their relationship grows from their trying to tolerate each other into romantic interest.  

However, even after they have grown closer, they don’t always get along.  They relate to each other better, but they still have some opposing views.  Lowenstein gets mad at Tom for making rude jokes and brushing off important topics.  In turn, Tom gets mad at Lowenstein for her anger as well as for her feminist views.  Their differences in opinion sometimes lead to bitter arguments and, at one point, physical violence when Lowenstein throws a dictionary at tom and causes him to bleed profusely.  However, they make up quickly after their fights and never hold grudges.  

In chapter 23, Tom sees for the first time what Lowenstein and Herbert’s relationship is really like.  Each of them, but especially Herbert, constantly tries to find ways to make the other mad.  Tom has dinner with Herbert and Lowenstein and some of their friends, including Monique, and he sees Herbert knowingly cause a lot of stress to Lowenstein and their guests.  Tom gets very angry and demands that Herbert apologize to everyone, threatening to destroy his Stradivarius if he doesn’t.  After Herbert apologizes, tom decides to leave.  That night (and the next morning), Tom and Lowenstein have sex.  

That night marks a turning point in Tom and Lowenstein’s relationship.  Romantic interest has been growing for a while, but now they have finally broken the ice and shown their commitment to each other.